Bartholemew Butterfingers

Bartholomew Butterfingers was a 17th-century figure in Wookey Hole, England, notorious for his staggering incompetence as a witch finder. His career and antics are now a comical yet dark chapter in the village's history.

Early Life

Born in the late 1500s, Bartholomew’s early life is largely undocumented. He harbored aspirations of grandeur, leading him to take on the role of witch finder. Despite his lack of skill and expertise, he threw himself into his new role with reckless enthusiasm.

Witch Finding Career

In 1610, during a period of rampant fear and superstition, Bartholomew began his ill-fated career. His first major blunder was accusing local herbalist Morgana Grey of witchcraft after a child claimed she spoke to a black crow. The trial was chaotic, and Bartholomew’s ineptitude culminated in Morgana's tragic execution.

Undeterred by his first mishap, Bartholomew targeted Elspeth Runes next, accusing her of casting curses through strange symbols. During her trial, he tripped over his cloak, causing a near-disastrous scene. Elspeth survived the dunking test only to be banished, as Bartholomew's incompetence once again took center stage.

Downfall

Bartholomew’s continuous blunders led the village elders to charge him with "chronic incompetence." He was eventually dismissed in disgrace, and his name became synonymous with ineptitude.

Legacy

Despite his failings, Bartholomew Butterfingers is remembered as a cautionary tale of how fear and ignorance can lead to folly. His story is a humorous yet poignant reminder of the absurdities of the witch trials. Today, his name endures in local legend, embodying the dark comedy of Wookey Hole’s past.